A Choice Too Many
by Saklani
Summary: Voyager returns to Earth, and Janeway finds herself faced with an impossible choice.


Author: Saklani  
Title: A Choice Too Many  
Codes: Garak/Bashir/Janeway, Janeway/Chakotay  
Series: VOY/DS9  
Rating: PG  
Beta: Cait  
Summary: When Voyager returns to Earth, Janeway is faced with a choice she cannot bear to make.  
Disclaimer: Paraborg owns the characters, but they cannot control my imagination. I share these with you for the fun, not for money. Therefore, Paraborg shouldn't care in the least.  
Feedback: HELL YEAH! to saklani@wildmail.com or Garak Fuh-q Fest  
URL: part of the Garak Fuh-q Fest  
Author's Notes: This is not quite the grand epic I originally had in mind. RL interfered big time. That said, I hope you enjoy this little piece.  
  
  


Home! What a wonderful word!   
  
Captain Kathryn Janeway wandered through the fields near her childhood home. They seemed not to have changed one iota. In fact, they were even better than she remembered. The sun shone in the clear, blue sky. Birds sang and a gentle breeze made the grass and corn sway.  
  
She hiked out to the willow tree where she had spent so much time thinking as a child. Scaling the trunk, she perched happily on her favorite limb.  
  
//Home! We made it home! Against all odds, we did it!//  
  
She leaned back against the solid bulk of her tree, thinking nothing could go wrong now.  


  


**A Choice Too Many  
  
**

Commander Chakotay unpacked his suitcase, humming under his breath. His room in the Janeway home was small and cozy. He tucked his clothes into the dresser drawers and ran his fingers along the wooden surface, enjoying the feel. Wooden furniture was a luxury not found on starships, and he had been stuck on one for so long.  
  
After Chakotay finished putting away his stuff, he started downstairs to talk with Gretchen Janeway, Kathryn's mother. He wanted to ask her so many things.  
  
Just as he started down, the front door chime rang. He paused midway down the steps, listening to Kathryn's sister, Phoebe, answer.  
  
she asked.  
  
A soft, cultured voice with a British accent answered, We would like to see Captain Janeway.  
  
Is she expecting you?  
  
A deeper voice replied, I hardly think so, but I am sure she will wish to see us. We know her quite well.  
  
She is out at the moment, but you are welcome to wait, Phoebe said.  
  
You are most kind, the softer voice answered.  
  
Phoebe led the visitors into the living room, taking them passed the stairs upon which Chakotay stood. As they passed, the Native American got a look at two people he prayed he would never see.  
  
They were exactly as Kathryn described them- a powerfully built, middle-aged Cardassian with a coarse black mane and piercing blue eyes and a slim, golden skinned Terran with soft, hazel eyes, tousled, brown hair and an elegant manner.  
  
Chakotay's heart clenched. //What do they want?// But he knew the answer. They wanted what he did- Kathryn.  
  
He descended the rest of the stairs and entered the living room. For a moment, he stood out of sight, watching the two men talk with Phoebe. Then, he moved into view.  
  
Dr. Bashir, Mr. Garak, allow me to introduce Commander Chakotay, Phoebe said, when she saw him enter.  
  
Both men stood. Bashir held out his hand, and Garak bowed slightly. Chakotay grasped the outstretched hand and squeezed. The doctor's eyes widened, then narrowed, and he returned the rough grip.   
  
Chakotay, this is... Phoebe started.  
  
I know who they are, Chakotay said, releasing Bashir. Kathryn told me all about them.  
  
Bashir and Garak exchanged a quick glance.  
  
Phoebe felt the undercurrent between the men and shifted. Has she? I suppose she didn't have time to tell us yet.  
  
I guess not, Chakotay replied evenly. At this moment, they all heard the door open.  
  
Kathryn, is that you? Phoebe called.  
  
  
  
You have some visitors. They are in the living room.  
  
Wonderful! I'll be right there! I just need to find a vase for these flowers! Janeway answered.  
  
There was a few moments of rustling and banging around, then Kathryn burst into the room. All three men regarded her with undisguised love. For the moment, she gazed at the flowers and did not see the new arrivals.  
  
Aren't these beautiful?! There is a whole field of them growing only... She looked up, and her words stopped. Her smile froze.  
  
The vase shattered in a thousand pieces on the floor. Flowers littered the ground.  
**********  
  
Do you want to talk about it?  
  
Talk about what? Kathryn listlessly asked her mother.  
  
The older woman entered the room and sat on the bed across from her daughter. The fact that we have gone from one man loving you to three. How the sudden appearance of Dr. Bashir and Mr. Garak has reversed the joyful mood of both you and Chakotay.  
  
It's not their fault, Kathryn said passionately. I just didn't expect this turn of events. I should have, but...  
  
You must decide which one you love, her mother said.  
  
Kathryn uttered a pained laugh. How little you know me, Mother.  
  
I don't understand, Gretchen Janeway admitted.  
  
Before Chakotay, Julian and Elim were my lovers, Mom. At the same time. They were also each other's lovers. She sighed, annoyed by her own babbling. We were a triad.  
  
Gretchen looked shocked.   
  
I intended to tell you about this, Kathryn continued. I just hadn't gotten around to it. There's so much to catch up on, so much to do now that I am home.  
  
Perhaps now is the time to explain.  
  
You're right. Kathryn shifted position. I was terribly lonely on Voyager, she confessed. For the longest time, I believed being Captain meant I could not get involved with anyone. Especially my first officer.  
  
Oh Kathryn, he mother sighed.  
  
I know. It took Q to prove how wring I was. He introduced' me to Elim and Julian.  
  
Gretchen Janeway nodded, having already heard some of Kathryn's tales about Q.  
  
Q gave me a life with them and showed me the value of love. I love Julian and Garak, Mother, but I love Chakotay too. I... I never thought it would come to this. Unbidden tears began rolling down her cheeks.   
  
Her mother hugged Kathryn. Not since the death of Justin and her father could Gretchen remember seeing her daughter so distraught. She rocked her, murmuring soothingly.  
  
What am I to do? I love them all. How can I choose? How?  
  
And Gretchen Janeway was forced to admit she did not know.   
*********  
  
Chakotay paced the living room. How dare you ask me to do this? he snarled.  
  
Kathryn recoiled from his fury. I cannot chose between you, she murmured. I love you all.  
  
He whirled toward her, balling up his fists. So, you demand that I share you with two strangers. Is that the way you prove you love me? You demand I accept having less of your attention, less of your love, less of you...  
  
Kathryn stepped forward, holding her hands out in appeal. I know it isn't fair...   
  
You have no right!  
  
Her shoulder slumped. I'm sorry, Chakotay, but...  
  
No buts, Kathryn! Understand me, I love you more than words will ever express, but I will not share you with others. Especially not a Cardassian. He turned and stalked out.  
  
Kathryn sank to her knees, weeping into her palms.  
**********  
  
Let me get this straight, Garak growled, she wants to continue her relationship with that Maquis?  
  
That Maquis was Kathryn's First Officer and her lover for five years, Elim, Julian said.  
  
The Cardassian sneered. We were her lovers for far longer.  
  
You can't expect her to just throw him over.  
  
Are you saying she loves him more than us, Julian?  
  
The Terran shook his head. If she did, do you think she would feel so terrible? She loves all of us, Elim.  
  
How convenient for her.   
  
What does that mean? Julian demanded.  
  
She suddenly is no longer contented with one man or even two. Now, she needs three.  
  
That's not true!  
  
  
  
She loves us, Elim. This situation is killing her. If you could have seen...  
  
Thank you, I have seen enough acting in my life, Garak said. In some ways, beloved, you are still naive. She has fooled you completely.  
  
Julian's lovely eyes narrowed, and he bared his teeth. You bastard, he hissed. Turning his back on his lover, he strode toward their bedroom.  
  
Where are you going? Garak demanded.  
  
I'm leaving you.  
  
You can't leave me, Garak said.  
  
Julian did not spare him a glance. Watch me.  
  
In ten minute's time, Julian Bashir was packed and gone.  
**********  
  
Julian and Kathryn strolled down a quiet country lane. Around them, tall corn plants rustled in the breeze. The pair walked hand-in-hand, talking in low voices. They looked idyllic, but their conversation was serious.  
  
Don't worry, Kathryn, everything will work out. You'll see.  
  
I wish I had your optimism, Julian, but you didn't hear Chakotay. He means what he says. He'll never accept you, let alone Garak.  
  
He'll come around, and so will Elim, Julian repeated.  
  
Kathryn smiled at her handsome companion. When you say it, I believe it. She captured his full mouth with her own. He wrapped his arms around her . When they pulled away, the clouds seemed to have blown off their faces.  
  
Now, I know this will work out, he said.  
  
Kathryn murmured back. I have no doubt.  
  
The two continued their walk down the road. They disappeared around a bend and from life. Only the screams of an inexperienced ground car driver marked their passing.  
**********  
  
Two neat graves lay on a small, grassy knoll under a large willow tree. Kathryn's tree.  
  
A tall Native American knelt beside the graves. His shoulders rocked with the force of weeping, and tears splashed on the fresh dirt of the graves. My beloved, what have I done? Chakotay sobbed.  
  
Another man climbed the hill and heard the other's words. Nothing I am not guilty of, he said. His voice was rough from unshed tears.  
  
Chakotay stood and examined the Cardassian. Elim Garak's frame sagged with the weight of sorrow. His eyes no longer held a trace of liveliness. Tired lines etched his face.   
  
He reached the graves and placed flowers on them. Straightening, he looked at Chakotay. I love them both.  
  
And I love Kathryn, Chakotay said.  
  
We wronged them in life, perhaps we can honor them in death,  
  
I agree, Chakotay said and held out his hand.  
  
Elim closed his fingers around the Terran's. The two men stood, hands clasped, for a very long time.  
  
THE END   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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